OK, since I have no scruples that I am aware of, and this blog desperately requires some controversy to attract readership, I've decided to make some frank criticisms of various leading video game webcomics in this update.
Incidentally, this entry has nothing to do with satirizing other gaming blogs doing the same thing for attention. Just so that's clear. Nor does it have anything to do with these comics' authors living off the proceeds of their creation and I being jealous of that fact. So we're double clear now, OK?
Penny Arcade - Man, where do I start with this one. First off, Penny Arcade is sadly lacking in all of the five major humor groups that comprise the recommended daily joke nutritional chart. Which I won't be posting. I will however be providing proof by way of case studies:
Case Study One: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/08/04
This.. wait, what the hell is this? Making fun of wiggers? This.. I.. it's just so.. OK, let's move onto Case Study 2 -
Case Study Two: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/08/07
Oh man, those wacky product services. Did you know, that some companies out there, actually screw with you with stuff like warranties? It's true. Not only is it true, but it's hilarious when this fact is communicated to others. Because we've all been there. That's why comics like this are so funny. Just in case you weren't bowled over by the wizard wheeze of the doubletalking phone guy, they interjected some cartoon violence for you to enjoy in the background. You know, so their demographic won't get frustrated with having to read too many words.
Case Study Three: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/08/09
Ah here we see PA's modus operandi in full swing: The Video Game Parody. In this case, they chose the recent release of Dead Rising to stage their own little Dead Rising parody in the happy little world of PA where no-one's skinny or bald, except for game designers or publishers that they don't currently like at the moment. The only joke I can see is a reference to Alanis Morrisette's song about ironic things, which is in itself ironic as it lacks any actual examples of irony. What's ironic is that it was probably the point of the song to be ironically unironic, something lost on the Penny Arcade guys as they use the unironic reference to great ironicness. Actually, what they've done is admitted to listening to music made for teenage girls. And correctly guessed that their audience would find a crappy song reference funny. Just like that My Name Is Luca (she lives on the second floor, you know) incident that no-one understood a while back. I just like saying ironic.
Which is sort of ironic, right? In an ironic way. Case Study Four, then?
Case Study Four: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/08/11
I think this is something against Mac users? I dunno. They have a long history of ribbing on Mac users so it's almost impossible to get in on the ground floor with their references to them. I guess they like patchouli because they're alternative or something. Hilarity.
That's enough PA bashing. You might've noted all the case studies are simply the first four comics I could find, because I sort of want to end this update in a good mood. Unmitigated crap always angries up the blood for some reason.
PVP - Ha ha, OK, now we start hitting the dregs. PVP is a comic about a game magazine or developer, I forget which (research is something I leave to the other satire blogs) and basically makes jokes about nerd-dom in general. But they interject these jokes with the mentor character talking down to whoever has a problem or issue needing to be resolved. What Scott Kurtz is doing here, as we say in the psychological help community, is "being an asshat". As sappy and sentimental as Garfield could often be, using Jon Davis' money-vacuum as an example of the kind of watered-down tripe all these webcomics aspire to being the exact opposite of (but secretly wish they could get as rich from), that fatass cat never had a story arc where he would give up coffee because it was "negatively effecting" his "relationship" with that retarded dog. And when I say story arc I mean going on about it for like 3 months. The giving up coffee thing was just an example, there's loads of them just like it. I feel like they should have headers saying "This Week: On a Very Special Episode of PVP..." to warn people about the preachy content on the horizon for the next few weeks so they can switch over to the PA guys smashing plates over their heads and saying "Well, this is a lot fucking better than playing a fucking EA game, those fucks."
I'm not even going to give PVP the benefit of a case study section. Moving on.
Ctrl+Alt+Del - So apparently, PA wasn't enough to quench your much-better looking-in-the-comic cast of nondescript and unentertaining gamers thirst for the week. Where to go? To PA-lite of course. Let's see what they're doing toda-- Ah, a Dead Rising parody. How marvellous and completely surprising. Now, it's equally likely PA stole the idea from them first. Or maybe it's equally likely they're both made by idiots following the fad of the month. You know, guys, Dawn of the Dead did come out like 30 years ago. But then maybe whoever does the funniest comic can be a secret playable character in the next game, Whee!
I think PA-lite is a pretty sufficient explanation of this comic. I couldn't tell you the characters, because I don't think I could care enough to find the character page. Oh man, being apathetic to people is such a burn.
Little Gamers - Little blob things that use leetspeek a lot. And come from Sweden. Maybe I should be kinder to them then. They have ninjas showing up a lot, which is something I've never seen used in a webcomic before. For those of you unaware of what a ninja is - and I'm guessing that's most of you because no-one ever uses them in webcomics - here's a short blurb from answers.com :
Ninja (nin-ja) n. - A member of a class of 14th-century Japanese mercenary agents who were trained in the martial arts and hired for covert operations such as assassination and sabotage.
Well how about that. Some kind of Japanese assassin spy thing. And now you know.
VG Cats - OK, so this comic is about two cats going on adventures in gameland. Or they're two cats who play games and imagine themselves in the game. Or it's one guy who watches too much anime imagining himself as two cats who imagine themselves playing video games. Man, this is some serious Muppet Babies-level delusional activity here. They all had to pretend they were somewhere else because a middle-aged Statler and Waldorf used to visit and touch them inappropriately. Well, perhaps not. Still, this comic would look like it was drawn by a 14 year old deviantart user (or devian tarts as I call them), except for the vast amounts of violence that tends to go on. Thankfully, unlike other webcomics where the writers have nothing to do but play games and write comics, this guy only updates like once every month.
Check out Case Study Alpha (switching it up with Greek letters now, oh yeah): http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=205
Pirates of the Carribean 2? Wasn't that in June or something? This comic is apparently registering some disgust with the cliffhanger ending. Because, you know, it was such a shock to the audience that a movie being made at the same time as its sequel was going to have a cliffhanger to separate them. By "audience" I mean "stupid audience". Though I'll give them some points by throwing Murray the Demonic Talking Skull in there, even though fans have been clamoring for a MtDTS cameo since day squat.
That's all for this week. Look forward to a new update on these masterpieces of mirth when the Snakes on a Plane movie rolls around and they all need to give their unique spin on the movie. Haha, there's snakes on a plane, it's just like the title says!
Also - just as a side-note on the above - if you use Snakes on a Plane as an expression similar to "c'est la vie" you are a MORONIC WASTE OF ATOMS. Urbandictionary.com can go get itself shot in a rough neighborhood for all I care.
